I slowly feel myself falling to pieces. I have no one, nor do I even want anyone I care about around to see me like this. my lowest of lows I need to go through alone to prove I’m strong enough to pick myself back up. it always amazes me how in the matter of a week someones who world can be completely flipped upside down. I’m 22 & feel like I’m desperate for love…but why do I keep looking for it? maybe bc I’m not happy. I’m not happy with who I am & look for that first person who will jump to tell me how great I am. in all honesty it’s nice but I can’t take it anyone. I’m slowly disconnecting from everyone. friends. family. I go to school & work & then come home & sit in my room. I want nothing to do with anyone. I’m over the games & ready to move on I just have to figure out who in my life I want to take to the next chapter. who in my life is mature enough to deal with that. we’ll see. I know a handful of people who will always be there but right now it’s all about me & I need to figure out how to make ME happy instead of putting the whole world first. I’m over being sad. if you don’t put a smile on my face I want nothing to do with you. but goodnight.

I miss you ): my sanity, my world, my best friend, my other half; but I can never forgive you.

everyone has that one thing that draws someone in & the one thing is the most shallowest of things. anything from looks, body, eyes, money, clothes, car, etc. as sad as it is I do it. I do that all the time, but difference is regardless I give people a chance. a chance to get to know them & I don’t care if you have all the afore mentioned things, if you don’t have a personality you won’t keep my attention. I’m a sucker for someone who can hold my attention all day & I don’t get sick of talking to them. personality keeps me there & hooked. I can have an hour long deep convo & completely fall in love with you. as bad as that is & as easy as I fall, I wouldn’t change that. I love that I fall instantly for a personality, I just wish I could find someone who would fall for mine. except I can’t. everyone is so judgmental in this world. to me personality can make someone so attractive to me. I just hope I find someone who feels the same. till then I’ll continue falling for a lost cause. ):

I think about everything going on in my life. I always wonder if things are good bc I see so many that are bad. but somehow I always seem to think the good out weigh the bad. however right now you’re the only thing missing from my life. I don’t know who you are exactly, but I know I need a good guy for once in my life, who is jealous of my guy friends to only a little extent to be cute. who I wake up to good morning texts & go to sleep to sweet dream texts. I want a guy who will kiss me in front of their friends, hold my hand, include me like I’m another friend at the same time tho. I want that guy who is my best friend, I can spend every day with him whether alone or with friends & I never get sick of him. but at the same time we each have our own life where we don’t have to see each other every day. I always think I want the perfect guy, but honestly I don’t think asking for a best friend is asking too much. correct me if I’m wrong. but I want the best friend who is my boyfriend. I think I’m half way there. but why are you so scared to make me yours?! idk probably never will. but you are about to lose me to someone else. who is a good friend but is willing to make it more. 3 even though no one can take the place you’ve made in my heart. I love you<3

it’s the way you looked at me apologetically saying “I’ll be right back”& smiled. it’s the accent you get around family, the true you. it’s the way you look me in the eye while speaking. you ask me what I want to do. it’s the way when I get out of the truck you wait till I get inside to walk away. it’s the way you are when you’re with me that makes me believe we should really be together. it’s the little things that let me know you care about me.<3

you are my life, my world, my everything. I’d die if I lost you.<3

I absolutely adore when you call me up & you are doing other things & talking to yourself. bc it let’s me know that I’m on your mind enough that you want me on the phone. <3

I am soo lucky to have you as a best friend. to have someone who will have my back like you’re my boyfriend, who threatens guys I’m talking to like you’re jealous. I’m lucky to have you there for me when I know the world has turned it’s back. you know me better than anyone not because I let you in but bc you took the time to climb to wall to get to know me. I know you care & for that I love you. despite that I feel we should be together I am thankful every single day that you are in my life, that you are my best friend, & that you are still around day in & day out. <3